[	mood	|	okay	]
[	music	|	jimmy eat world	]

I havent been on here in forever! im sorry i went through so much and havent had the actual time to be on here! i feel really safe on here! like no one can read this!! it means so much to me! My long story about what happened in 2006! ok this part is so wierd so my dad was going to Skateland and asked if i wanted to come and i was like no. Ten mins later these guys come to my house knocking on the door asking to drink with them. Stupid me says yes and we are off walking the streets trying to get some hard booze! by the time we get the stuff my dad is calling me and everything and i watch them get drunk@! i tried drinking and i didnt get drunk at all so i remember just pretending  i was drunk like a frieking idiot! Then we went to the skatepark and met these homeless people who offered us some more alcohol and by the time i finished i was drunk. i Passed out and woke up wanting a cigarette so bad that i walked to the Quick trip near my old high school called coronado and broke all the windows and stole as many  cigarettes as i possibly could. The next thing i knew was that i was at this one house who i thought was my friends boyfriends house. He was yelling and screaming and Everything so we left and went to dennys and ate and apperantly my parents were looking for me and apperantly my not so good friend was high off of Coke! which seriously scared the CRAP out of me! cuz she offered me some And i said NO!! i saw what it did to people and i would never in my dreams do that! but while we were at dennys i told her the whole story and she didnt believe me so we went down there and the cops were there and caught us down! At first i was scared cuz the shock of what i did hit me like thunder! but i knew if i didnt tell the truth my life would chatter like a big bolk of ice! i was drunk! and tired and my  not so good friend was lying the whole time! while i was being truthful and trying to rest my case cuz i was in enough trouble from my home situation and the court! And she also had a warrant out for her arrest~ So the cops took us in to the scottsdale police department and locked us up. We were transfered to The south east facility in mesa the next day! i have been there at least two times before. and the day after that our sentencing came in i was adjudicated with a felony which means i wasnt tried as an adult but i must pay the fee! which im in process of doing right now! but i was also sentenced to a Treatment center out of scottsdale cuz the last one was right behind my house and they didnt like it! so a month later i was interviewed by mingus mountain! and i was so scared i was sixteen and in a lock down place trying to get in another lock down facility. So about a month later i was picked up and taken to Mingus mountain andmingus is located in Prescott valley! ! I was so quite! the quietest person there for a month and my favorite almost dislike staff made me scream yell open my lungs and take charge! I loved it i just had so many things to take care of for myself and i wanted to scream out my secret i felt like an outcast and such a backperson and not the real me! so After 4 months of completing my program with my therapist and moving down to the valley which isnt on the mountain and in a house. I got a job and started saving and paying that one fee! and that one day i was told of my discharge date i panicked!!!!!!!!! i didnt want to go back! i would just end up killing myself or dying off of drinking or something like that. But before i even got to tell my therapist she confronted me about it cuz i told a past client that left and asked for her advice! and she promised she wouldnt tell but she did and im so thankful she did! i miss her so much! but i fell to my kness begging for this pain to go away and started weeping my therapist which happened to be a christain women got on her knees and started praying and holding me like i was her daughter! i loved that moment i was finallly free of my secret and holding things in! when i left that room i was the happiest person alive i felt immobile again like i could finally be free to talk to people without crying i loved it so i started talking to everyone i could to ask for there help! and for a long time i went through this tough and hard depression i had to see the dectectives cops and alot of other things and even Cps and tell my story to all of them. But my parents denied everything~ and my sister and brother didnt know! and what makes me mad is my i told my mom when i was in the detention in mesa! all she did was looked at me and cried!! until it was time for me to go back! she didnt say one word! i dont know i havent talked to her about it ever! i think she knew but thats a whole argument there. but i went through so much at mingus i laughed i cried i got over so many obstacles and i learned the real me and i found god again! this time the real one! my therapist helped me and so did Ed! but i will finsh the rest of my long story later im going to go for a jog!